DIOS, FAMILY AND CAFECITO

September 16, 2019 marks the one-year anniversary of my father's passing. It has been a year of firsts-- holidays, birthdays, celebrations-- without him. I spend a lot of time thinking about his advice and the stories he would tell, and his love of God and family. I try to remember all the small things, like the jokes he loved to make or how every morning smelled like coffee. My dad would take two canela sticks and put them with the coffee grinds, use a double filter and then pour just a little bit of honey in the pot, which “cuts out the bitterness and leaves the right amount of sweetness.”

September 15th - October 15th is Hispanic Heritage Month. September 15th is the anniversary of the independence of five Latin American countries, with several others occurring in the following week. As I reflect on what this month of cultural celebration means to me, I consider the timing of my father’s passing and its alignment with this month to be provident. Over the last year, I have come to realize just how connected my Latinx identity is to the lessons my father taught me. I am because he is.

Over the last 12 months I have spent time healing, around my identity and my father’s absence, and I often regret not having recorded my dad telling his own journey. He was an avid storyteller, but I do wonder what his answer would have been had I simply asked, “what should I know about you?” This longing prompted me to begin reaching out to Latinx folks- some I knew, others I didn’t- to give them a chance to share. A custom familiar to many Latinx people is conversations over cafecito, so with each person, we would sit down and over coffee I would ask “what should I know about you?”

There were many tears, followed by an immediate apology, shared along these stories, which sparked a very real memory for me. Even as a little girl I was sensitive. I cried when I prayed, when I got angry, when someone else was hurt or sad, it didn’t take much. I remember one time, for whatever reason, I was crying and then I started to cry because I was crying. I told my dad “I hate that I cry all the time” and he held both my hands and said “Mija, it’s good to cry. Strong people cry. When we cry, we are closer to God.” My response to each person was always to share what my father had said and that moment of shame would become a moment of peace, healing, and connectedness. There in some random coffeeshop I truly found myself closer to God.

Over the last couple of months, I have spoken with many people from different backgrounds and histories, and through every conversation, two clear themes emerged: God and family. Dios y familia. These are the same pillars of pride that my father wanted me to have.

I am filled with pride, appreciation and admiration for the strength and resilience of my people, yet I never learned about our history in school. In all my years of education the only Latinx teacher that I had was my high school Spanish teacher. Everything I know about my history was taught to me by those around me. Individually and collectively our Latinx culture is rich, bold and powerful. Yet my heart sits with pain for the families being torn apart and for children kept in cages at our borders. I sit with a refusal to fight back the tears of yet another mass shooting, this time targeting Mexican people, a phenomenon of violence in which our society seems to have become accustomed. These are incredibly tragic situations, but this is not the only narrative of my people.

Like my Spanish, which I learned in bits and pieces over time, our country is broken, but I believe it will get better. However, it will take effort and practice- it won’t just happen. The purpose of my project -Dios, Family and Cafecito- is to amplify the voices and stories of people often forgotten or ignored. We must both fight against the injustices that our community faces, but also use our voices to connect and be louder than the narrative that aims to separate or degrade us. We Latinx have a strong culture, with many traditions and lots of flavor. We have faith, whether in God or in the belief that, with hard work, life can be better. We care about family, and that doesn’t always mean blood- sometimes it means neighbors, communities, and even strangers.

There is a Mayan greeting In Lak’ech that translates to “I am another yourself,” to which you would respond ala k’in meaning “you are another me.” This is a law that honors oneness and unity. It is the belief that we are all connected on a spiritual and human level.

The time I spend interviewing people allows me to explore the many levels of connection that transcend when I allow myself to be vulnerable: me to my dad, my dad to others, and others to their own stories.

We were never allowed to sit in shame and my parents took any and every opportunity to connect with people. Language was their medium. I have many vivid memories of us walking into a store and my dad walking out with a stranger, both laughing and speaking Spanish. My parents grew up in a small border town in Texas, so they were constantly thinking everyone was Hispanic “Ella parece Hispana.” Even when people tried to shame them for who they were, my parents were proud of their Mexican identity and connecting with other Latinx people brought them comfort.

Even in his final days, when the pain was excruciating, my father José never stopped praising God and through the tears he sang “CON CRISTO EN LA FAMILIA QUE FELIZ HOGAR”

When someone doesn’t feel connected it can be hard to know where to start. As we celebrate Hispanic Heritage Month I offer one piece of advice; whether it’s a friend or a stranger, over cafecito ask “what should I know about you?” and see where the conversation goes.

Below you will find a collection of photos and interviews that I invite you to explore. In order to protect the identity of all participants, names, quotes and pictures are not connected. You can also see/hear other stories here: fotosbyselina.com/cafecito-galleries

This is an active project that will continue to grow in the coming months. If you or someone you know might be interested in participating, please fill out this survey and I will reach out.